The following is a guide to River's Discord commands (for IRC, see here). There are others, and more will be added below as these get documented. Custom responses are available for when River says hi, goodbye and goodnight.
Note: You can use full stops instead of commas. Also remember that some commands have timeouts, if River doesn't reply to a command you recently issued, please wait a minute and try again.
Help and Greetings
See who River is and get a link to this website.
Get River to say your name!
Say hi to River.
Say goodbye to River.
Say goodnight to River.
(thanks|thank you|cheers) River
Say thanks to River.
(i love you|love you|you are awesome|you're awesome) River
Say you love River!
(wb|welcome back) River
Welcome back River!
Wave at River
Conversation, Messages and Reminders
,in <time> <msg>
displays a msg after the given time has elapsed.
,at <time> <msg>
displays a msg at the given time.
ask River a yes or no question, and she'll respond randomly with yes or no. Also if you give her a list of items separated by 'or' she'll randomly choose one of them.
same as the Ask command but in Klingon; River will respond with HIja' or ghobe'.
River will bap nick
River will provide a soothing message or action to nick
River will dance with nick
River will glitterbomb nick
River will heal nick
River will hug nick
River will poke huggle
River will kiss nick
River will nom nick
River will poke nick
River will throw a snowball at nick
River will poke snuggle
River will assassinate nick... but will she?
River will kill nick... but will she?
River will shoot nick... but will she?
River will slap nick... but will she?
River will stab nick... but will she?
River will throttle nick... but will she?
River will throw nick... but will she?
a random farm animal noise
a sheep noise
a chicken noise
a cockerel noise
a fish noise
a cow noise
a cat noise
a pig noise
a dog noise
Time, Location and Weather
get the current Internet time in Swatch beats.
get the current time in GMT or in the provided timezone.
return the time from the USNO Master Clock.
,countdown <yr> <mth> <day>
,cd <yr> <mth> <day>
displays length of time until or since date specified. Use full format in arguments, e.g. 2013 07 22
displays the date for Easter for a given year.
query NOAA for warnings, watches or advisories for a given US ZIP code or US county, state pair.
,weather <city, country>
,open_weather <city, country>
,opw <city, country>
country is optional; displays weather information from Open Weather of the selected city.
,windchill <temp> <wind speed>
,wc <temp> <wind speed>
shows Windchill in F.
show the current day's advent calendar entry; only works in December!
show a previous day's advent calendar entry, replacing the number with the day you want to be replaced; years include 13, 14 and 15, and without a year offers 2016.