The following is a guide to River's Discord commands (for IRC, see here). There are others, and more will be added below as these get documented. Custom responses are available for when River says hi, goodbye and goodnight.
Note: You can use full stops instead of commas. Also remember that some commands have timeouts, these are listed at the bottom right of each command in red. If River doesn't reply to a command you recently issued, please wait the full rate limit and try again.
Help and Greetings
See who River is and get a link to this website.
Get River to say your name!
Say hi to River.
Say goodbye to River.
Say goodnight to River.
(thanks|thank you|cheers) River
Say thanks to River.
River, say (...) to
make River say hi, goodbye, goodnight or thanks to nick, using the above commands (except 'cya'), whether they are around or not!
(i love you|love you|you are awesome|you're awesome) River
Say you love River!
(wb|welcome back) River
Welcome back River!
Wave at River
Conversation, Messages and Reminders
River will ask a question to spark a new conversation
River will spout a cryptic piece of advice at you.
River will spit out a random pun at you!
,in <time> <msg>
displays a msg after the given time has elapsed.
,at <time> <msg>
displays a msg at the given time.
ask River a yes or no question, and she'll respond randomly with yes or no. Also if you give her a list of items separated by 'or' she'll randomly choose one of them.
same as the Ask command but in Klingon; River will respond with HIja' or ghobe'.
Opt in or opt out of being affected by the bot's action commands that target others; if you are opted out you can't use action commands that target others either
Check opt in status of nick (or yourself is nick is empty)
River will bap nick
River will provide a soothing message or action to nick
River will dance with nick
River will glitterbomb nick
River will heal nick
River will hug nick
River will poke huggle
River will kiss nick
River will nom nick
River will pet nick
River will poke nick
River will throw a snowball at nick
River will snuggle mick
River will assassinate nick... but will she?
River will defenestrate nick... but will she?
River will kill nick... but will she?
River will shoot nick... but will she?
River will slap nick... but will she?
River will stab nick... but will she?
River will throttle nick... but will she?
River will throw nick... but will she?
River will throw nick some birdseed
,pizza <nick> <toppings>
,pizza <@mention> <toppings>
River will throw nick a pizza, either randomly generated or with the toppings you provide
,cake <nick> <toppings>
,cake <@mention> <toppings>
River will throw nick a cake, either randomly generated or a sponge cake with the toppings you provide
,pancake <nick> <toppings>
,pancake <@mention> <toppings>
,pancakes <nick> <toppings>
,pancakes <@mention> <toppings>
River will throw nick a pancake, either randomly generated or with the toppings you provide
,replicate <nick> <item...>
,make <nick> <item...>
,replicate me <item...>
,make me <item...>
A powerful command! River can make nick whatever you provide in item. River also knows some recipes! You can instead ask for 'food' or 'drink', providing alongside it 'hot' or 'cold', or 'meat' or 'veg'. For example, I can ask River go make me a 'hot drink', or 'cold veg food'.
a random farm animal noise
a sheep noise
a chicken noise
a cockerel noise
a fish noise
a cow noise
a cat noise
a pig noise
a dog noise
Mock the previous thing posted
Draw a random Cards Against Humanity card combo.
Courtmartial nick... a quick one minute game of luck set in the Star Trek universe.
Draw a Trivia card.
Time, Location and Weather
get the current Internet time in Swatch beats.
get the current time in GMT or in the provided timezone.
return the time from the USNO Master Clock.
displays the date for Easter for a given year.
,weather <city, country>
,open_weather <city, country>
,opw <city, country>
Displays weather information from Open Weather of the selected city. Optional: country.
,windchill <temp> <wind speed>
,wc <temp> <wind speed>
shows Windchill in F.
show the current day's advent calendar entry; only works in December!
,advent <yr> <no>
show a previous day's advent calendar entry, replacing the number with the day you want to be replaced; years include 13, 14 and 15, and without a year offers 2016.
Words, Numbers, Currency and Colours
Calculator using Wolfram Alpha, for calculations and conversions.
Calculator using Sympy Gamma, for calculations.
,rand <num> <num>
Randomly picks a number between the two points. One number can be provided and River will assume the other bound is 0.
Rolls dice of your choosing; needs to be in the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dice_notation">notation</a> xdy, where x is the number of dice, and y is the number of sides. Example: 1d20. You can roll multiple dice by using spaces, example: 1d20 2d6. You can +/- numbers off dice rolls, example: 1d20+4.
Returns the definition of a word using Wiktionary.
Searching the Web
Return information about <term> from English Wikipedia.
,wiki :<lang> <term>
,wik :<lang> <term>
,w :<lang> <term>
Return information about <term> from given Wikipedia, where <lang> is the two digit country code as given in the URL prepended by a colon. Examples :es :sv
Displays the desired comic from xkcd. .xkcd (for most recent), .xkcd [comic number] (for specific comic), or .xkcd [r | ran | rand | random] (for a random comic).
Displays the desired comic from xkcd with transcript if one is present. .xkcd (for most recent), .xkcd [comic number] (for specific comic), or .xkcd [r | ran | rand | random] (for a random comic).
Return the top post about <term> from Urban Dictionary.
Points, Quotes and Polls
Adds a quote to the internal quote database.
,addquoteof <nick> <quote>
,addquoteof <@mention> <quote>
Adds a quote to the internal quote database, referencing it to user.
Retrieve a quote. Optional: number provides for a specific quote number, otherwise a random quote is provided.
Retrieve a quote with a unique identifier to get the exact one you want. QID's are displayed in the bottom left of the footer in square brackets. Useful as quotes can sometimes get reordered.
Get NationStates nation information and nation page (or boneyard) link.
Get NationStates region information and region page link.
Get NationStates link to add a nation to your dossier.
Get endorsement count of a nation.
Get regional influence of a nation.
Get all WA nations of a region (can leave blank for home region; currently says Region Not Found if no WA nations found).
Get all non-WA nations of a region (can leave blank for home region; currently says Region Not Found if no non-WA nations found).
Get all nations not endorsing the delegate in a region (can leave blank for home region).
Provide link to search NS Forums for a particular topic
Provide link to search NS Forums for a particular post
Get a list of nations in the region that have zombies. Available only during the NS zombie apocalypse to certain people.
Get a link to the Cynosure chat page.
Get a link to the Cynosure Nexus page.
Get a link to the Cynosure constitution page.
Get a link to the Cynosure law page.